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Recently, while walking down an aisle in a supermarket, I heard a child scream out, “Mommy, I want that!”
The mother’s response was a loud, “No, you can’t have it!”
The child persisted in demanding the object that he wanted, while the mother continued to refuse her child in an equally loud voice. Their noisy dialogue drew everyone’s attention to them.
Finally, after a number of loud, vocal exchanges, the mother gave in and picked up what her child had demanded.
I thought to myself, what a shame for a child to grow up and enter society with such an unbroken attitude!
Later on when walking down another supermarket aisle, I encountered a mother shopping with four small children. She spoke softly to them as she picked up objects from the shelves. The children held hands and listened attentively to her words.
What a contrast! My heart rejoiced at this peaceful scene.
Then the Lord dropped this thought into my heart, “Your words are very important, daughters of the King.”
The following scriptures reveal why our words are so important.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue.... (Proverbs 18:21)
For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he (or she) is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity.... (James 3:2-6)
James goes on to make a profound statement, “No man can tame the tongue.”
One may ask, “What then can I do?”
The Lord answers, “Come unto Me, sit in My presence and learn from Me. If it is beyond our ability to tame our tongues, then our only hope is the Lord Himself.
Because He is gentle and humble in spirit, we will learn to empty our hearts of bitterness, jealousy and hatred, for these qualities are the roots of ungodly words. The condition of our heart determines the quality of our words.
...out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned. (Matthew 12:34-37)
This scripture presents us with a serious challenge; how to control our words, how to bring life to others when we speak. First of all, we must keep our hearts pure.
Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you (Proverbs 4:23-24)
When our hearts are pure, the Lord can give us words that exhort, edify or comfort the hearers (1 Corinthians 14:3).
Just as gossip, harsh words, rudeness and backbiting will offend and discourage the hearers, so kind, wholesome words will edify and build them up.
The most important place to practice this truth is in our homes. How do we speak to our husband and our children? We can begin the day joyfully with a gracious “good morning,” a smile and a warm hug for each one at breakfast. They need our prayers and expressions of love and cheer to help them with the pressures they will face that day in the world. Family devotions; a time to read a portion of God’s word and to pray are soul food for the day!
I treasure hearing my sons, now in adulthood, tell me how clearly they remember the choruses and Bible verses that I taught them as children.
Mothers have a very significant influence for good through the words which they impart into the hearts and minds of their children; a godly influence for the next generation.
Several years ago, the Lord impressed me with the importance of the following scripture:
The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things....that they admonish the younger women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)
I exhort older sisters in the Lord to see how essential their teaching, and the testimony of their own lives, are to younger sisters in obeying the truths of this very important scripture. Godly homes are foundation stones for a godly church.
The following are some suggestions on how we can improve our words.
Timing can be as important as what we say when we deliver a message to someone. There is a time to speak and a time to be quiet.
A man has joy by the answer of his mouth. And a word spoken in due season, how good it is. (Proverbs 15:23)
As a practical example, I would counsel married women to not pour out all the problems and heartaches of that day to your husband as soon as he returns home. First, a warm greeting and fellowship around the evening meal. In this way, his heart will be better prepared to respond. Prayer should precede all such encounters.
If we prayerfully wait on the Lord first, He will give us words in season for others.
I recall an example of this truth in my own life. My husband and I were good friends of the pastor of a small country church. At the time, the church building had been remodeled, and the pastor was searching for a name to put over the front entrance. The Lord graciously gave me words for the sign, but told me to not reveal them yet. So I kept the words in my heart for several weeks. Various names were considered by the pastor and staff, but there was no agreement. One day the Lord prompted me to make the words known. The pastor had been seeking for a denominational name; however, the words given to me were the following:
I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
Instead of words that drew attention to an organization, the little country church beckoned people toward Jesus. The pastor and congregation were delighted with the words. Had I made them known sooner, they probably would not have been accepted.
Not all of God’s children will have grace to teach from a pulpit, but we all have grace to exhort and encourage one another.
But exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. (Hebrews 3:13)
And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
God desires us to be in agreement with Him. Our exhortation should affirm what He clearly states in scripture. This does not mean that we are to quote scripture in a harsh, demanding, dictatorial manner. We represent the Lord by our words and how we express them. We are to speak with gentle authority out of a pure and guileless heart. Sweetness of speech will encourage others to receive our words.
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. (Proverbs 15:1-2)
Guile means deceit, which God hates. Our lives and words are to affirm truth.
He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness deceit. There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health. (Proverbs 12:17-18)
The heart of the wise teaches his mouth, and adds learning to his lips. Pleasant words are like a honey comb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. (Proverbs 16:23-24)
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. (Proverbs 25:11)
These scriptures bring beautiful pictures of eternal truth to our minds.
To sum it up, godly, encouraging words of truth promote health and spiritual well being.
The following scriptures provide us with excellent counsel:
In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise. (Proverbs 10:19)
He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and a shame to him. (Proverbs 18:13)
He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. (Proverbs 13:3)
Walk prudently when you go to the house of God; and draw near to hear rather than to give the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they do evil. Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; therefore let your words be few....a fool’s voice is known by his many words. (Ecclesiastes 5:1-3)
How very important it is to wait on the Lord, to hear His heart, before we speak to others!
Paul exhorted his coworker, Titus, to avoid certain topics in his ministry when teaching believers.
Avoid foolish disputes, genealogies, contentions and strivings about the Law; for they are unprofitable and useless. (Titus 3:9)
In his epistle to Ephesus, Paul cautions believers to avoid words that would cripple, hinder or discredit the faith of others.
Therefore, put away lying, each one speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another....Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers....Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. (Ephesians 4:25, 29, 31)
Gossip is one of the most destructive forces in the church. God repeatedly warns His children to avoid this sin (Romans 1:29; 2 Corinthians 12:20; 1 Timothy 3:11; 2 Timothy 3:3). Paul specifically instructs Timothy to counsel younger widows to remain committed to Christ and to avoid lives that lead to gossip.
...They learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not. Therefore I desire that younger widows marry, bear children, manage the home and give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully. (1 Timothy 5:13-14)
Clearly, Paul’s admonition concerning gossip would apply to everyone, not just younger widows.
So all bore witness to Him, and marveled at the gracious words which proceeded out of His mouth..... (Luke 4:22)
We are saved by grace and we walk by grace, therefore our words are to be gracious; rich with the grace of God.
Every word of God is pure....Do not add to His words, lest He reprove you, and you be found a liar. (Proverbs 30:5-6)
The words of the Lord are pure words, like silver tried in a furnace of the earth, purified seven times. (Psalm 12:6)
Just as silver is tried in a furnace, being purified many times by fire, so we can expect afflictions in which the Lord will test and purify our words. Our personal opinion will become less and less important to us, and our words will more and more convey His grace and purity.
It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit, and they are life. (John 6:63)
The Lord is at work through our personal and family experiences, through teaching and fellowship, to build humble and obedient hearts which He can anoint with words of life for others.
In conclusion, daughters of the King, our prayer is:
Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. (Psalm 19:14)